maria dossett

i’ve never been good at the long game

i want results

instantly, transformatively, right now

i want change the way i write my blog posts

present the problem, write feel good solution, complete

my heart is exhausted from keeping my body alive 

the weight of it all: the beautiful, the painful, the waiting

has pulled and pressed on its chambers over time

and i imagine my heart pleading for someone to help

saying “it’s not actually fine”

“there’s too many cracks in here”

“i want to make you better”

“it’s okay to not be okay all the time”

and i feel peace knowing that my heart 

knows where we are going

where we have been

and where we are, better than i know sometimes

because my heart was created to keep my body alive,

and thank God for its precious design

the blood that it sends to my fingertips so i can 

write myself out of processing my life alone

the air that it sends through my body so i can breathe deeply the world around me

the blood it sends to my mind so that i can know

“it doesn’t have to be this way”

“sift through the beautiful, the painful, the waiting while there is no rush at all”

“you deserve to understand how beloved you are”

so i will take time to spend alone with my heart, 

to refamiliarize myself with the ways it beats now

i will play the long game with myself

like my parents did, raising a little girl who couldn’t help but dream big

like my friends have, relishing in years of laughter before letting any tears push them aside

like my boyfriend does, promising love that goes beyond our short comings & mistakes

like Love has from the beginning — holding me accountable for the gift that my life is 

to the world, to my circle, to Him

“i will write Love on your soul every day if you let me”

 i haven’t written in so long 

but this line was not temperamental 

is not saved for the era in which it was written

God loves me boundlessly, effortlessly, fiercely, peacefully

He loses no sleep over the daughter He so carefully created

so i shouldn’t either